It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
