so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize