cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
