i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
