I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
