so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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