Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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