Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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