A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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