i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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