I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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