we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
