it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
