Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
