Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
