in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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