Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
