Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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