I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
