I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
