I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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