You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize