someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
