I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
