i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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