You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
