Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
