Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
