thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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