i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
