I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
