I can text with my tongue
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
