I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You pole danced in your parka.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
