In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize