...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
