You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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