You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
