The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
