I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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