You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
