I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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