drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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