ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
time to smoke my breakfast
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
