I just made out with a guy for $7.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
