do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
