He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
