Your mouth is God's brothel.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
