I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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