Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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