Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
