just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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