I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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