PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
