meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
