Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
