I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
