i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Houston, we have a blender
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
