So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Randomize
