We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
