I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
That was an excessively violent trivia night
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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