I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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