who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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