no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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