ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
