Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
