so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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