im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize