Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
