i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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