i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Did I show you my penis last night?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
