p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
