Pappa wants mamma naked
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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