We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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