my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
