I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
